Parenting sucks. Sometimes... It. Just. Sucks. I am gonna let you know right off. I am sitting here writing this while in tears. I just did something that goes against everything that is in me. But I had to. Because fitting in and being"normal" is what's done in society.
I just told my daughter she has to conform. She can't be how she is, she must change. She must fit her beautiful round peg into the small square hole of society. And it hurt my heart. It hurt to watch her hang her head and nod in understanding and turn her head to walk away as tears were forming in her eyes. I wanted to grab her and whisk her away somewhere that she can be herself, where there is no normal. Where being unique is normal. As I think of where I could go...it doesn't exist.
That being said, things have changed. A lot. I have said it before and I will say it again. She has the best support at school. They have adapted things for her, let her explore and learn in her own way. I can't say enough good things. Her class mates have learned to speak Her language. Understand things take a little longer for her.
Now I must clarify. The issue at hand isn't some huge thing that will alter the coarse of the universe. It's a social habit that needs to be slightly changed/altered before high school that will benefit her. She will be in grade 7 next year and in our school that moves her to the high school end. We all know high school is all about social skills. She will charm the pants off ya with her smile. But unfortunately it takes more than that in high school.
After sitting down with her teachers we all decided that this is something we should start working on now so it isn't another huge struggle for her next year. I completely agree. This had been in the back of my mind and they only want the best for my girl.
So we had a little heart to heart chat. She almost seemed to know this talk was coming. The hard part was that she walked away in tears. This is not the first time and will not be the last. After all she is just coming up on her teen years.( oh joy)
It makes me wonder how many other parents have had to have chats with their kids before high school. Trying to cushion them a little so that when( not if but when) the blows come it won't hurt as much. I think there should be a support group for parents of kids hitting high school.
Well the tears have disappeared both for her and me. We will get through this. Many kids before her have. And there are kids behind her that will struggle as well. And I will be there for other Moms to say, "You can do this!"
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a birthday to plan and cupcakes to ice. If my girl catches on, now would be the time milk me for almost anything.... except snakes they ain't ever coming into this house.
2 comments:
Mel, I feel for you. Having children is hard, let alone ones who have different challenges to face. You have a wonderful daughter, she is very special. No matter what, she is going to fill your heart and things will hurt you probably more than they hurt her. God will hold you up. Take care and be strong! That's what she needs from you.
Sometimes conforming is the path of least resistance but sometimes staying true to form develops and strengthens us. You didn't say what it was that needed to be changed so just trust your judgement that you would know if it was important enough.
Parenting is hard and I hate to tell you but it gets harder as they get truly into the teenage years. It's a long journey but when you finally hit adulthood (which isn't necessarily 18) you will know and be proud that you helped create these wonderful people. Hang in there, hug often and always always tell them you love them. That's the most important aspect of it all.
Hugs
Bernie
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