Friday is here

Today is Good Friday. I actually have very mixed feelings about this day. One is the sadness and grief that a Mother must have felt to watch her Son hung on a cross to die. The other is the Hope that comes with why he died. I know Sunday is the day we are supposed to be jubilant and rejoice in the fact that that Mother's Son Rose from the dead. But I seem to pause more today. I am guessing it has a lot to do with where my heart is after the last 9 months of my life. My Dad being killed almost 9 months ago and then my aunt passing away 3 weeks ago, I have done much thinking and reflecting on my life.

 When I stop to pause and think about my life, I think back to where I have been. I think about the path that our family has travelled. 5 years ago I found myself moving back "Home". Back to my hometown where I spent the first 21 years of my life. I was still feeling wounded and hurt leaving other family and friends in another town where my husband had grown up and we had spent 13 years of married life and where my children had been born. We had just been in a transition place in our lives living in a town where we knew no one, but was bit of a breathing place for us.

These last 5 years have been ones of change, growth, discovery and sadness. My kids are both in school full time now, growing in knowledge and height every day. We have built and moved into a house that we did most everything by our own hands. I have made more discoveries of who I am, and have been more at ease in my own skin than I ever have in my life. I have gained confidence as a parent, knowing that I am the one who knows them and I am the only one who will advocate for them in life. I still pray every day for them and this world that they live in. All of this is by God's Grace and Love for us.

God has given me the confidence in myself and my family. He is the one who picks me up when I fall and make mistakes and need to ask for forgiveness. God has given us amazing family and friends who love us and support us.  He has blessed us with a church family that is too awesome for words. I still find it hard to say I am thankful for the hurts in my life, but they definitely moulded me into the person I am today.

 As the saying goes "Friday is here but Sunday is a coming". Next comes Easter Sunday. The day of rejoicing. I have so much to rejoice for. This day of reflection leads to days of rejoicing for me. I am very thankful for that because not all reflecting days have lead to rejoicing in my life.